The language of the all-inclusive getaway: 7 things every couple says

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Whether you’re braving blizzards in upstate New York or racing through rainstorms in California, there’s one thing all of us could use while we’re stuck in the middle of this winter/El Niño Venn diagram: an all-inclusive vacation.

It’s all we can do not to daydream of lounging poolside — beach read in one hand, margarita in the other, sun beating down on our Vitamin D-deficient skin — while we’re wading our way through the babbling brook that used to be our driveway (swim-up bar > swim-up car).

And what better excuse to pencil in some Q.T. with your sweetie? Wherever you travel, whether it’s Costa Rica, Antigua or anywhere in between, here are the seven things every couple says at an all-inclusive resort.

“Should I get a drink first and then go to the pool, or go to the pool and get a drink at the swim-up bar?”

Roderick Eime, Conrad Koh Samui Awarded the World’s Best Luxury Hideaway Resort via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
Roderick Eime, Conrad Koh Samui Awarded the World’s Best Luxury Hideaway Resort via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Decisions are hard, especially when you’re presented with endless options at an all-inclusive resort, but if you put your heads together, you’ll make it through. And if you disagree, remember, compromise is key to every successful relationship. Maybe get a drink, and then go to the pool, and then grab another at the swim-up bar. You’re on vacation, after all. Have your daiquiri and drink it, too. And then have another.

“Tomorrow we’ll go stand-up paddle boarding, then snorkel the reef and cap it off with a sunset run along the beach…”

“…Or get a couples massage, relax on the beach until sunset and then have a lazy dinner al fresco.” Arguably the best part about an all-inclusive? Spending your time however you want to, and when traveling with your S.O. that means ample Q.T. There are opportunities for water sports and excursions, as well as world-class spas where you can take in ocean views (and each other) from side-by-side massage tables.

“This sunset doesn’t even need an Instagam filter. #nofilter #blessed”

Grand Velas Puerto Vallarta, Grand Velas Nayarit Beach Resort via Flickr (CC By 2.0)
Grand Velas Puerto Vallarta, Grand Velas Nayarit Beach Resort via Flickr (CC By-SA 2.0)

Is there anything better than an island sunset? Sharing it with someone you love. Taking in the melting colors on a warm island night is as mandatory as the photo op that goes along with it. While you can’t really ever do it justice, you can certainly make your friends and followers at home a little bit jealous.  If you don’t take a romantic vacay picture, were you really on a romantic vacation? We all do it — stage the perfect photo (or ten). Want a photo of you and your S.O. canoodling on a hammock? Check. Splashing in the waves? Check. Leaning on a palm tree drinking a piña colada? Check. An island sunset is like a good white shirt: it really does go with everything. Look, you just gained 11 new followers.

“I really like piña coladas…”

While you may be a red wine or craft beer person in your regular life, the minute you touch down in paradise, the only thing that will quench your thirst is that icy rum and coconut flavored treat. And be sure to ask your bartender when happy hour is. On most occasions, each happy hour features a new drink to fall in love with. After a few, you may even be tempted to give your sweetie a rousing serenade of Jimmy Buffet’s classic at karaoke. What happens on vacation, stays on vacation, right? At least until you share the tale with the grandkids someday.

“Just hypothetically speaking, what if we moved here?”

Casa Velas Hotel, Intimate cabana via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
Casa Velas Hotel, Intimate cabana via Flickr (CC By-SA 2.0)

Admit it — you’ve snuck a peek at housing prices in the vicinity of the odd (OK, every) vacation you’ve taken. Maybe you’ve even done some mental math to see how much you’d need to stash in a rainy-day fund for both of you to quit your jobs. Who doesn’t have a not-so-secret fantasy about living out the rest of their days posted up on a tropical island, feeding each other papayas plucked from their backyard? Is there anything more romantic?

“Is this third breakfast or first lunch?”

For the food lover whose happy place features all-you-can-eat fish tacos and a soft-serve machine, a resort is a magical (and very dangerous, waistline-wise) place. While all-inclusives can conjure buffet-all-day imagery, culinary hot spots like Hermitage Bay, Antigua cater to the foodie’s refined palate, with restaurants ranging from island fare to Asian fusion to Italian. So while you stay on the white sand beach of your chosen destination, your palette can travel the world. Whether dressing up for a night out at the trendiest restaurant or staying in for some delicious room service, you and bae might just discover a new flavor of food and love, or at the very least, nosh on handmade pasta while you reenact your favorite scene from “Lady and the Tramp.”

“We’re on our honeymoon.”

Photo: istock/skynesher
Photo: istock/skynesher

At an all-inclusive it is 100% acceptable to sip out of the same coconut in a cabana, move your chairs side-by-side at the dinner table, or indulge in a couple’s massage on the beach, blissfully unaware there are any other resort patrons in the vicinity. For seven straight days, you can use the word “honeymoon” in every second sentence and glean as much special treatment as possible—a mango flambé here, a free catamaran ride there. While it’s acceptable honeymoon-vacay behavior, it gets significantly less cute once the honeymoon is over and you’re back to the 9-to-5 grind, so make the most of it.

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The language of the all-inclusive getaway: 7 things every couple says was last modified: June 26th, 2019 by Chelsey Burnside
Author: Chelsey Burnside (22 posts)

Chelsey is a travel, fashion and lifestyle writer based in Toronto. Her work also appears in The Coveteur, The Ottawa Citizen, The Toronto Star and various notebooks left in airports.