I want to start this post by sending my thoughts and prayers to the families and loved ones of the 228 passengers and crew on board Air France flight 447. I can only hope that the wonderful, personal stories we are already starting to read are providing some comfort.
Those of us in the travel industry aren’t immune to these tragedies. Airplane crashes are just plain unsettling for everyone. They are a shocking event, primarily because they just don’t happen that often. Not only does a plane crash draw international media attention, but it also resurfaces (or prompts) the average traveler’s fear of flying. It’s human nature and none of us are immune to it.
Now, imagine trying to comprehend the enormity of a plane disappearing from the sky from the eyes of a 6-year-old.
In my experience, kids have very active imaginations and they have little trouble connecting the dots. So it’s no surprise that when I came home from work on Monday night my two kids, 6- and 8-years-old, asked, “If that plane crashed, why can’t the one I am on crash, too?”
On occasion, my kids will find themselves in front of the TV watching the news with me, and they are always ready with questions. Monday night was no different. While watching news coverage about the Air France flight I noticed a look of panic on my daughter’s face. I could see those dots being connected and I knew if I didn’t handle the situation properly right then, I would have a much different situation to deal with the next time we stepped onto a plane.
My daughter has told me in the past that she is scared to fly but couldn’t really articulate it more. I passed it off as her interpreting in-flight boredom as fear. Now, I’m not so sure. Monday night I had a long conversation with my kids – I won’t repeat my discussion verbatim, and I also won’t really know if I was successful until we are on a flight to Denver this August. However, following is some advice on how to approach this topic with your kids. It is a delicate subject and needs to be tailored based on your own kids’ personalities – but if you travel with kids who fear flying, the conversation needs to happen.
1. Listen to them first. Let them ask questions even if they can’t fully describe their feelings. It will help you understand what the fear is based on.
2. Be honest with them. Yes, you should shield kids from gory details, but you shouldn’t shy away from discussing the reality. My kids wanted to know if people in the plane could feel pain? It’s a heart-wrenching question, and one that doesn’t come with a simple answer, but it’s a reasonable question for any child to ask.
3. Don’t try to influence your kids with your own opinions and definitely don’t try to minimize their feelings with simple answers (“oh, you’ll be fine”, “there’s nothing to worry about”). All this will do is silence the fear.
4. Focus on the destination. Travel is exciting for kids – they get excited about the newness, no matter where you take them. Talk to your kids about the location and the types of things you will do once you get there. Tell them about the indoor swimming pool at the hotel and remind them that they won’t have to make their beds for a week. Play into the excitement.
5. Don’t spout statistics (I actually learned this the hard way). It doesn’t work on most adults, it definitely won’t work on kids. If you tell them there is a 1 in 5 million chance their plane will go down, they will wonder if their plane is ‘the 1’. Instead, help them understand the science behind how an airplane can fly. Make it a fun lesson for them. If they have a better understanding of what keeps a plane in the air and what makes it safe, they might be less anxious. Here’s a great site to help: http://www.ueet.nasa.gov/StudentSite/dynamicsofflight.html
6. In the end, don’t push too hard. You might put thoughts in their head that don’t need to be there. If your child’s fear materializes into physical illness it may be best to seek professional help. Travel is supposed to be fun and it’s important to keep that in mind, even in the face of tragedy.
I spoke with Tom Bunn, former pilot and founder of SOAR — an organization designed to help people overcome the fear of flying – about this topic. According to Tom, we all have an innate desire to feel secure and control our surroundings. Some people feel helpless while flying and kids are no different. Tom’s advice was to talk with them using plain language that they can understand. He advised telling kids that just as a car is maintained to keep it running, so is an airplane. Tom thought that reassuring kids that planes are built to withstand turbulence and storms would help as well. Great advice Tom, thanks!
I wrote about how to survive air travel with kids in the past and some of those tips can be helpful here. Once you are at the airport, the best strategy is to focus attention away from the actual flight. Make it fun and interesting – bribe them with a new toy if you have to. The more positive associations you can create with flying, the better.
How did my story end? I am reasonably confident that my two kids feel better about flying because they started talking about Denver the day after the discussion. However, I’ll tell you for certain in 10 weeks when I get back.
Readers: Have you had to have tough discussions about plane travel with your kids? What did you say? What tips can you offer other travelers?
© Cheapflights Ltd Carl Schwartz
